Waiting for a theophany.

I have never had a "religious experience".

I have not attempted to ascribe any curious incidents that may have occurred to me to undigested portions of meat, euphoria caused by the electric guitar or what have you - simply because I have not had any.

To know God, so we are told, is to not simply know God. The demons know God, and they shudder. But a Christian, for example, knows God in another way. He knows God "personally". She needs to have a "relationship" with God. Not just of the head, but of the heart

Notice the dualism here - the head is rational, the heart is emotional. Both are needed, but if there is to be only one, then it should be the heart. But need I point out the obvious fact that the heart's main and only known function is to pump blood and not to generate feelings of joy or sadness?.

I do not understand such things. Should I treat God like my father? But I can see my father. I can talk to him and have him respond immediately. God remains silent - by that I mean he does not reply as your friend would when you ask him a question.

So clearly God is not a visible human being to which we can sit down with and talk to. He is not visible but he is nevertheless there, or so we are told. Yet we are to treat him like a close friend, a father or whatever anthropomorphic relationship model you have.

How then, should we treat God? At the very least, it should be evident, our relationship with such a being would not be like those we have with family and friends - the visible human beings we interact with daily. So why do people continue to frame their discourse as such - that God is knowable like a human being?

I have heard and read countless stories of miracles, voices from God, from saints, from angels, from demons. I have never experienced such things.

Many say that they believe in God/gods because of such experiences. I do not doubt their sincerity. Unfortunately, I have never had the benefit of such events occurring to me and as such lack such proof.

So throughout the ten years or so I have understood what "God" is, my belief was sustained in something other than direct, sensory experience of such a being. It was belief based on knowledge - head knowledge, some might say derogatorily. (As an aside, is there a difference between someone who believes but does not understand and someone who understands but does not believe?)

I do believe that there is a God. But all this while I have noted something. I have been waiting for the silver bullet, the justifying evidence. The appearance of a God before me. This has hindered my assurance somewhat. And now after many years, I think it is time to let go.

I no longer expect an angel of the Lord or the Lord himself to appear before me. But like a  jungle native who has never experienced snow, that does not mean I should not believe in a foreigner's description of such a thing. And my feeling is that we should not let others think that they must have such an experience as well - lest they see themselves as inferiors.

To those who somehow can frame their relationship with God as a parent, brother, friend - may they be edified. To others who might never had a parent or brother or friend and who thus cannot understand God in such terms (and yet believe in him anyway), all the better.

I do have parents, brother and friends. Yet I cannot see God in such a way. I am unable to do so, for reasons I am not sure of. Instead I see him as God. I know him from scripture. I might also have understood him from natural revelation. He is distant, yet he is close. He has spoken once and for all (in scripture) and yet he continues to speak (through nature). Has he spoken in my ear, like a human being? No. Do I expect him to? No. Should I? I don't think so.

God has revealed himself enough so that some may believe and has hidden enough so that many others  refuse to believe.

To those who have seen, I envy you. Yet I suppose for those who have not seen and yet believed, blessed are they.