The Quiet Life of a Contemplative Christian

Prologue

Everyone seeks to place his or her life within the context of a greater story. This can be religion, family or friends, work or a pursuit of a goal. In other words, we need meaning in our life. And how have I framed my last two decades?

Unfortunately I can't say much for the first, but my memory is much clearer for the last ten or so years.

I was raised in a Christian home. I say "Christian home" because this was how our life was framed - with church at Sunday being the "end" (or beginning) of the week. From young I hated Sunday school (you either enjoyed it or hated it) and when older found "youth" gatherings uncomfortable (rare was the occasion where I was ever comfortable among my peers). The worship I never enjoyed (always preferred hymns) and the sermons were immensely boring. I would very much life to blame my lack of appreciation of the latter on myself, but eventually I have come to suspect that the individual in the pulpit had something to do with it as well.

All in all, I was not a very good churchgoing Christian. And yet, why have I chosen to call myself a Christian?

First, a little about the label "Christian". Often, when I am consequently asked, "What kind of Christian?" and I have found the additional labels required unhelpful. Protestant, I believe, is woefully archaic. Charismatic - as the churches I have been going to would have been called - could hardly apply to me (my personality is hardly that interesting nor inspiring). Evangelical may be suitable except that nobody understands it anymore. And don't get me started with the "post-" prefix that seems to be getting stuck onto anything nowadays.

So then, a Christian I am. But the perceptive reader would notice another word stuck in front of Christian in the title. So let me explain that.

The quiet life

Like all introverts, I am drained when I am around others and energized when I am alone (actually a rather crude and simplistic description, but close enough). This is not to say my family and friends don't mean a lot. They mean as much. But solitude is something I very much enjoy as well.

But what is more important is what I do with my time. Have I been productive, useful? I certainly hope so. At least the plans and goals (and for this I am very grateful for the opportunities others have given me) to which I have been able to accomplish.

My job, thankfully, allows me a lot of free time. I have become engrossed (once again) with historical study; reading fiction is now a necessary chore (!). I wish to start writing again, so many stories still in my head. Outlines of some are on paper, still waiting to become pixels on the computer screen.

So then...

A Contemplative Christian

Simply put, my goal is to become thoughtful (which is part of humility - to think before acting, the opposite of which is rashness and pride). Not just as a human being but specifically as a Christian.

How should one be thoughtful?

My listening and not just responding immediately (kneejerk responses usually not the best!). Returning to Scriptures for the Truth. To consider the opinions and arguments of other people. Pray.

My belief is not just a result of a conversion experience (actually I remember none) but also a dialogue with others, believers and non-believers. I have participated in extensive conversations - some extremely edifying, others unhelpfully repetitive. I have spent hundreds of hours in related literature, building upon the thoughts and experience of others. I have learnt immensely.

So What?

Well, I have spent a lot of time talking about myself. Hopefully this gives you some insight to the writer. But I write this not only to share, but to provide a coherent outline of my thoughts.

I have grown and learned a lot. My beliefs and attitudes have changed so many times (and, I hope will continue to do so for the better).

The fact is, I have seen too many people take the end of youth to mean the end of all growth (both literally and symbolically). It does not and cannot mean so. If there's one thing my non-institutional education (wink wink) thought me is that learning is a never ending process. Applying this to every aspect of our life is important and, as a Christian, is crucial.

Let this be my own pledge to continue the race.

S.D.G.

Bersih 2.0 - A Review

Walking through KL yesterday I could not detect any hint that a massive rally had been held on the day before. It was business as usual. Regardless of your opinion of Bersih, you have to admit that the Malaysian demonstrators have outperformed their first world counterparts (see the recent Greece and Canada rallies and riots) when it comes to peaceful assembly.

For the government though, peaceful or not, it was still an illegal rally and they treated it as such. Teargas (which, at least in the developed world, is only used to disperse violent protestors), arrests (to the police's credit, they released most fairly quickly without charges) and massive propaganda campaigns before and after. My favourite is the advertisement on TV3 where a boy asks why all the shops are closed. The shopkeeper laments that this was due to the rally.

TV aside, a glance through Facebook and I could see some unfortunate folks who got stuck somewhere in KL. At least one was calling Ambiga and Bersih some not very nice adjectives after he got stuck in KL Sentral for several hours. Of course, one can blame Bersih for shutting down public transport and traffic. Some sharp people would point out that it was the government who shut these down, not Bersih. And even more sharper people would point out that if the EC had heeded Bersih's demands there wouldn't be a rally in the first place.

Yellow Shirts, Red Shirts

The Patriot rally was mostly a fizzle (RM50 and free t-shirts don't get you far) and its few memorable moments was a banner calling the rally "BERSHIT" (to which people responded by referring to them as "Patriotaik") and Khairy standing alone being escorted away by a policeman.

Needless to say it was the yellow shirts (actually, much less yellow shirts this time - most joined the rally in standard civilian attire probably due to fear of being targeted for arrest) that carried the day. There wasn't really any hope of making it to Stadium Merdeka and as irony would have it, since the government shut down the stadium they had no choice but to take it to the streets.

Reformasi?

Some made a big deal about the chants for "Reformasi". Is this 1999 all over again? Well, reformasi can mean many things, including reformation for the election system. Slogans aside, the "Allahu akhbar" chants could be disturbing for a few, but in a country where Islam and politics (for good or for ill) have become inseparable this is no surprise.

I have always stated that I agreed with Bersih's goal (reforming the electoral system) but not its ends (rallying to do so). Rallies work better as a means of venting frustration and as a desperate attempt for change (see the Middle East) or as a means of gaining attention to a cause where other democratic means are unavailable (one could not vote to end Black discrimination nor to gain Independence).

But no, I'm not making the "we have elections so why rally?" argument. The Constitution itself guarantees the right to peaceful assembly. Whether the Bersih (or Patriot or whoever) rallies had a point or not is irrelevant. People still are allowed to peacefully demonstrate.

But Bersih's points could be gotten across more clearly. The alternative media's arm is wide open. Publicize how corrupt the electoral system is. Make people realize what the rally really was about (or should have been - most Bersih attendees didn't really come there to express their displeasure at the electoral system but towards the present government)

"Deeply Divided"

After George W. Bush won his second term, Kerry called to congratulate him but also to remark that the country is "deeply divided". Of course, this was a rather obvious statement. The USA is and will continue to be divided at least along Democrat/Republican lines. This is not a such a bad thing but rather a hallmark of mature democracies. People have different views and as such there are different parties to represent them.

In my conversations with others I have found that there are people (surprise) who are not very sympathetic towards Pakatan Rakyat and they have some pretty good reasons. Besides PR's non-existent (or at least, poorly publicized) plan of governance should it come to power, very few people are aware of its agenda. The recent Buku Jingga was a decent effort but almost comically idealistic. Obama's hopeless vague but extremely effective "change" and "hope" slogans won him his presidency but made us realize that in the end, the real world of politics doesn't tolerate such idealisms. (Another case of irony then, as the Obama administration's most memorable achievement was not in healthcare or other reforms but in the "war on terror")

The results of our 2008 General Election should show as much. The popular vote was split nearly evenly (PR's seat gains don't nearly reflect this as much). PR supporters should realize that people still support BN (and BN supporters should realize that support for their coalition is eroding)

Yes, you can still vote. No, don't expect everyone to vote for your favorite party. This is democracy.

Selective Myopia and the Middle-East

To any observer who has followed the Middle-East uprisings/revolutions intently, one thing is clear - a lot of Arabs are unsatisfied with their governments. But why? Someone once remarked that the Arab dictators were worse than the Zionists. And while criticism of Israel (much of it fair) has been unceasing, especially from the Arab and Muslim nations, there has been an uncomfortable silence from these same nations about the situation in the Middle East.

Reading a report from Bahrain, one of the countries in turmoil, one has to marvel at the entrenched goverments' ability to blame everyone but themselves for the mass protests. And as Robert Fisk devastatingly made clear, many others (including America) have said little on this as well.

And what about Malaysia's response? I read with amusement on the unfortunate fate of MV Finch, still waiting to deliver sewage pipes to Gaza. Meanwhile, Iran's flotilla to Bahrain has been halted as well, Bahrain calling it a "blatant interference in affairs". The Israelis would agree.

Thus one thing is clear, Malaysia and other states remain silent on Bahrain and the other nations facing protests. Perhaps (in Bahrain's case) it's because we're seeing Shi'a protesting against their well connected, oil rich, Sunni rulers.

Maybe, but one thing is for sure - whenever you claim to be against injustice you better not be saying it with one eye closed.

And Then...

I feel bad, not writing here. I very much would like to share my thoughts. So after three months, I guess you could say I'm back.

I've got a lot of stuff I could just copy and paste here, as "filler". And maybe I'll do that. But for now, here is what's coming up:-

1. After nearly a year at an IT firm, I can proudly say that i. I have one year of real working experience ii. More than enough stories/experiences to write something worthwhile, fiction or non-fiction (or maybe both) iii. A fair bit of money saved up.

2. A bunch of essays on movies, books and other stuff I've been consuming the past year or so. There's a lot that I've yet to write down and I suppose here's where I should commit my thoughts.

Other things - After three years of "college" I realize that a degree is something not to take lightly; that you should never try to do it just for the sake of doing it. I tell that to everyone who says they're just studying for the sake of studying. Don't. And for those who are doing business because they have no idea what else to do. DON'T.

I want to travel. Haven't in a long while. Right now I'm caught between two choices (both of which are within my budget). One month in a few nice European countries or overland journey across Asia. Hmm...

Old Year/New Year

This year passed exceptionally quickly. It could be many things, probably how my life has settled into routine, probably because the days have literally begun to become shorter (actually, it is likely because the older you get the faster your perception of time becomes).

I remembered I made some resolutions about one year ago today. Well, I can't remember them now except one, which was to read 100 books for this year. So naturally, I haven't fulfilled it but I did get pretty darn close (97% hah!). I could have cheated with some quick reads, but decided to plod it through some challenging and fascinating tomes (I'm currently a little ways through The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet, one of the most enjoyable works I've had the pleasure to read).

Work has taken a whole lot of time from my other pursuits, but I've begun to manage. Spend less time on the PC, I've found, and you have a lot of time for other things. I don't mind this, considering that the PC is my job and by the time I get back I'm sick of it.

One thing I would like to work on for the next year - more writing (or writing more?). My efforts at stories longer than a few thousand words have never taken off and I recall now a writer's all too true observation that novels are a voracious eater of ideas - you run out of them very quickly.

Another curious thing is how I find movies less and less entertaining. Or maybe I've spoiled myself on too much classics and coupled with the lower quality of movies released this year. I have a dozen or so "critically acclaimed" movies sitting in my hard disk that I've yet to watch, so we'll see.

And yes, my project idea still remains fresh in my mind. I conceived it back in 2008 and once I collect enough funds, will get it started in early 2012. So next year will be just sitting back in my already comfortable job, getting the monthly paychecks and dreaming of a better life. Ah, if only.