Wanderings - Part 23

It's a very hard thing to think about possibilities. I often ask people what they want to be. If I'm lucky I'd get a half-hearted reply; most times it's a blank stare. A few have answered with conviction and I nod and smile. Good luck. Really, good luck and all the best.

So then if the same question was asked of me, what would I say? I still don't know. It's a blur of possibilities. At least I hope - sometimes, when I am sober, the realization hits me that I will probably amount to nothing much in life. And there's evidence to show for that. Unfulfilled promises, abandoned drafts, imaginary magnum opuses. To think I laugh at other people's meanderings. Hah. Joke's on me.

Nevertheless, one must shrug and move on. I remember a rather depressing comment an elderly person made that you get more mellow with age for the simple reason that you realize that you are not that great after all. Now, I pride myself on having rather decent self-esteem. But it does get to you.

'No!' The other part of me would argue. 'Look at you', he says, 'only a little over two decades in age and already faking world weariness and mid-life crises. There is so much more to come!' And there is truth to that. But still.

Dear reader, if you have been reading this blog for some time you will realize a long connecting thread that runs through my short pieces here, and that is uncertainty which has grown as I have gotten older. If there is one thing I fear the most, it's not knowing what would happen tomorrow. Not knowing where I would be in a year, two, three years time. I have seen people embrace and even revel in their lack of prescience. I however would curl up, think, argue, plan, grumble with myself. What are you going to do, Daniel? How can I make myself matter?

Oh, I've tried. I've tried the good old "stay busy" trick. Eventually I get fed up of doing this and that (to be clear - I love my job, but the tasks contained therein do tend to tire me). Then I just want to stay at home and read a book, watch cats on Youtube. 'Hey,' I am then told, 'why don't you go out more?' Because I don't want to. 'Ah I see. You are an introvert right? You prefer to be by yourself?' Yes, I am probably an introvert. No, I don't really want to be by myself. Loneliness is depressing. It's the 'going out' part that is a chore to me. And no one - extrovert or introvert likes chores, now do they?

If you're someone like me who tries to 'shape' their life, then you would get a clearer picture. Despite my unique ability to keep my emotions bottled while in public (something I very much think more people need to to try doing), I do very much have the need to express myself. This is one of those times.

Thank you, I guess, to the family and friends and the strangers who have in their own way, one way or another, supported me in my walk. I promise (hehe) I will do my best to help others. It's the least I can do.

P.S. - God, if you're reading this, will you answer my questions or do I have to go the long way round, as usual? :-)

S.D.G.

"Changing" The Future - GE13 and Beyond

Barisan Nasional will win. The question is, of course, by how much. A decreased margin will see our PM possibly going the way of our dear Abdullah Badawi. I'm not sure if we will be so keen on his replacement. A bigger win will see him consolidate his hold and give him a strong(er) mandate. Whether he will backtrack on his reforms (however few, there were reforms as PR grudgingly admits) is a question mark, though if the formula works he will keep at it if only to attract the next generation of voters five years down the road.

As for Pakatan Rakyat? Despite the strong wave of support, their time has not yet come. Anwar senses that, and his hints at taking a break from politics point to a weary man. Lim Kit Siang's Johor bid also comes of as last-stand offish. 

The fact is that even if PR somehow grabs Putrajaya, it would be an incredibly tenuous hold. Forget about constitutional changes - BN will make one heck of an opposition and PR's infighting would likely grow worse, stymieing any sweeping reforms or changes.

Change. Ah, a certain man in the States ran on that platform. Worked well, too. A lot of people would disagree he actually delivered on that promise, but that doesn't matter. Everybody loves change - change is good in Malaysia, surely it can't get worse. Right? 

My experience with politics has been bitter-sweet.  Working with a State Representative (whom I admire and respect greatly) was an eye-opening experience and made me realise that it's not just the party you vote for, it's the person. I hope we voters would take some time to look at who we are voting for. And I also learned that politics isn't black and white, establishment and opposition. It's something more like where the hero vanquishes the villain and then tries their best (usually unsuccessfully) not to become one.

Coming back then to BN. People are often baffled at my "neutral" stance (actually I'm not neutral, but still) but that's because I've been thinking and I've been hesitant. A few random thoughts, for what it's worth:-

Arab Spring - change at any cost. Yes, it wasn't done through votes but through an uprising. They lived under dictatorships and their "votes" wouldn't count for much. There was little recourse. Yet the change that came was hardly, for the most part, positive. I'm not for one minute buying BN's "choose stability against chaos" message. But a fractured opposition versus a strongman? Stone me if you want, but I'd prefer the latter.

Chinese "chauvinism" - MCA is pretty much a dead duck. Chinese have fled them. Now DAP is unfairly taking flak for hosting some racial extremists (hello UMNO), but it can't be denied that some of these Chinese has been peddling a less than harmonious message. It was interesting and disturbing listening to a group of Chinese-ed teenagers share their views on BN. "They hate Chinese." I keep hearing. Again, UMNO affliated loudmouths probably have themselves to blame. But it's disturbing to see sentiments like this being spread largely unchecked in the opposition camp. DAP itself would probably reject racial extremism like this (as would UMNO, I hope against hope) but as of now they are not doing much taming these people. If this continues, and with MCA largely gone, the Chinese are dangerously segregating themselves from the majority.

Churches and politics - lots of political sermons recently! It's that time of the year I guess. Most of them unashamedly partisan. Prayers for general "truth and justice" to prevail are still the majority thankfully, yet I'm still hearing some specifically for the victory of the opposition. You know, if we prayed a little harder than we did for Romney to win, maybe it would actually work. There's nothing wrong with politics in the pulpit - it is the moral duty of any Christian to support what is right (even if "right" is unfortunately, a subjective matter) and proclaim it. Yet just like we can get our Bible teaching wrong, our political pronouncements can be off base. My own personal opinion? Let other organizations host political discussions in their churches. A little separation is a good thing, especially if the side you don't support wins and wants revenge for your opposition to them.

The Future - It's going to be a very crucial few years or so for BN after this. Depending on how they play their cards, they will be looking at PAP-style hegemony or becoming the opposition. Najib knows that the next generation won't agree to a social contract they never signed. It's adapt or die. Fighting two fronts - the Opposition and the conservatives in his own party is not easy. It creates a rather diluted and uneven minded man. The constant stream of scandals surrounding him don't help. Many people would rather have someone else (I count myself one of them).

But we don't always get what we want. The majority decides. We make do with what we got. And at least take solace with Churchill, who reminded us that democracy is the worst form of government except for all others.

To Die, And Rise Again

Another Easter, another mandatory reflection. Less formal and thesis-based, more stream of consciousnesses.

Resurrection of Jesus is celebrated, but implications largely ignored. God dies and lives, for us, 2000 or so years ago. Long time, but...just...imagine what that means. No, but work is much more important and life defining - putting the bread on the table > taking the Bread of Life.

Jesus has risen - in my heart. Thankfully I haven't heard that in a long time.

Jesus hasn't risen. All the time, comfortingly. And then I get to explain why, in fact, I think he did. Easter a pagan celebration Christians, didn't you know? It's true most of them don't. History hasn't been our forte. But then again, who really likes history.

You know Jesus, but do you really know Jesus? Yes, faith in Jesus as historical figure or as God who rose from the dead vs. Jesus as my personal Saviour and someone who I know intimately are two different things.  (But why not both?) Problem is I can't "know" Jesus the way I know my earthly father. Those who say they can I envy. Or maybe not. There is a fine line between closely connected to God and mental institution candidate. (Blessed are those who do not see, but believe)

God is silent, His last great display of fireworks two millennia ago (I put it crudely). But that's just me; people can settle for smaller miracles to affirm and confirm their faith. But two thousand years ago, to the faithful Jews, God was silent too but yet they waited patiently for their Saviour to come.

As we now wait.

The Young Ones (A Primer on Proclaiming the Gospel to this Generation)

Was this the easy path, or the tough narrow one? It's been a year and a half as a teacher of sorts. I had repudiated the rat-race. The money was good, I noted, but the hours were long, tedious and tiring. Ironically, while I've had my stresses in this new line, spending so much time giving to others, the returns have been worth it. To my up and coming peers, service to the children (and to the Church) is immensely rewarding. If not financially, then intellectually and spiritually.

Yet, when I see the young (or should I say, younger - most people would consider me to be "young", too) - I worry. When I was...younger, I brushed off fears of the new technology as the worries of neo-Luddites. I am slowly beginning to agree with them to a certain extent. Human interaction takes place primarily with screens. And particularly small screens at that. While they give us access to enormous resources, we have become somewhat dependant, indeed almost locked into them so that our world has become rather myopic. Those are my worries. I still stick to a wait and see approach. But what I'm seeing can sometimes be both exhilarating and unsettling.

That's one part. Another worry concerns an event that has been on-going for a long time now. I dismay at seeing my faith lose relevance to the world. Yes, this has been happening for a long long time. But reading about it in the books and seeing it in action are two different things. You struggle and ask what's the point as your beliefs slowly seem to become more and more esoteric - teachings that better belong in a distant past and not today's world (I recall the words of Bultmann who, nearly a century back, dismissed traditional Christianity as being rendered untenable by the advent of lightbulbs. If lightbulbs, what more touch screen phones!)

The Gospel, at least in the much of the modern world can no longer be proclaimed "as is". I often hear stories of Orang Asli folks who convert, teary eyed, at hearing the story of how Yesus saved us. I admire their faith, but suspect that won't fly anymore with today's young, who are themselves being evangelized by non-believers and other anti-theists. I often see image macros reposted, with anti-religious one liners. Compelling at first glance but easily deconstructed. But the short attention spans of today's generation has no time for that. And so, at least among the peers I have observed - religion is treated with disdain at worst and indifference at best.

Which all comes back to the world as we have it today. A world where people can rely on medicine more than God (which is virtually unprecedented). A world where "science" holds more hope for progress than "religion". And so it goes.

This is not about rebranding or marketing religion to the young ones, the new generation, one that is more connected, knowledgeable (okay, in my experience, not necessarily) and aware than the ones before. This is, rather, about taking stock and looking back at how we have grappled with the herculean task of the Great Commission. The methods have changed, but the message has not. Is time then, to reformulate the basic truth claims of Christianity? Maybe, maybe not. We can all agree that the death and resurrection of Jesus (no matter how trivialized and ridiculed it has been made up to be - and in a sense, rightly so) is the sine qua non of our faith.

Ironically, it is a historical truth claim - one that simply asks to be examined and if found true, to be believed - that has so often been ignored in an age where faith is constantly being pushed as believing what you know ain't true. The touchy feely Jesus is my best friend/girlfriend/boyfriend proclamations won't cut it anymore (my personal opinion) with today's youth. A head in the sand mentality with science's claims of the universe won't do too (I recently heard a preacher attempting a critique of evolution by saying "If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?") If you cannot get the things of this world right, what does that say about your handling of the things of God?

We, the young Christians, have to do deal with all of this. Proclaiming the Good News has never been so easy; it has also never been so difficult. God help us.

Why Study?

Again, another post summarizing my thoughts ahead of a short talk.

There were words to what I love to do. To learn things, to teach myself. Auto-didact. Polymath. Jack of all trades. Amateur. Homeschooled. That was then. After finishing my degree, I could look forward to work. And then - family, children and finally death. I was not entirely interested with that path.

Being a teacher of sorts, I deal with students who ask almost all the time "Why study?" It is not usually a direct verbal question of course (only one so far has come up to me and asked, "Teacher, why do we have to study?"), but through actions and little slips of tongue. 

Tomorrow is a holiday. Cheers (and not too many moans) result. These people are excited there is no school. Fair enough - everyone could use a good break now and then. But really, why would we rather play than study? Sure, studying is rarely ever as fun as playing (although it can definitely be). 

Again, the question is why study at all? There are two types of  reasoning behind this question. One practical and one philosophical. "How is this useful?" I am asked again and again. The asker holds up a math problem, or a diagram of planets. I explain that even if this has no actual practical use in life, it's still "good to know". They walk away unsatisfied. Really, would our lives be any poorer if we did not know that we can determine the chemical composition of stars by their colours? 

That is the practical aspect, and I will try to address that. Firstly, I wholeheartedly support the idea to teach young students as many things as possible in our universe from the start - from the common to the esoteric. Besides enriching our lives, this wide knowledge allows us to focus on the things we actually do like. Would we know that cells are fascinating unless we first study them? That finding out the hypotenuse of a triangle is a delightful exercise unless we actually do it? 

Well no. We do not know unless we do. Students often have "pre-destined" careers in mind, usually as a  result of strong suggestions by their parents, peers or others. Doctor, lawyer, engineer. They even have their dreams. Astronaut, musician, veterinarian. Sometimes they pan out. Often they don't. But we won't know what we really want to do unless we know about it. 

And of course the obvious - by studying we get knowledge to do jobs that pay better and hence, live better lives.

Then the philosophical aspect. We study, we work, we die. The end. In many worldviews, this is the case. Under a Christian worldview (which I and the place where I teach operates under), this is not the case. Our lives here are not the end but the beginning. We learn now to have a head start on the life to come. We do not forget our old lives when we begin our new ones, but remember - precisely so that we learn and avoid the mistakes that we made.

Why study? I once asked that question. Then I opened a book and learned about how our universe began from an infinitesimally small singularity, how life has died and lived and died a thousand million times over, about kings from a distant past who conquered half the earth, about a God who sent his only Son to die for humans, and in so doing I learned about me in a way I could not had I not access to knowledge, the light of which shines deep into our souls to illuminate our existence.