Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Singles Day

Another nightmare. I dream of being in an examination hall, attempting to answer a question I had given my own students. I break into a sweat as I realize that no words are coming to the tip of my pen and my allotted time is running out. I wake up.

So here I am again, putting my thoughts into words and thankfully finding that yes, I still can write. And then I regret not having written sooner.

Life continues. Over 9000 (hah!) days of me living on this earth. It's settled into a steady, predictable routine. Safe and comfortable. Oh how I hate and love it so much. There's a yearning for more, but a desire for the same. Which one wins is up to you, I guess.

Another year almost up. I'm getting older. People look at me and ask if I'm married (no I'm not), if I am attached (no, unfortunately). In the past work got in the way of relationships. Now it's just my own insecurities. Which is not to say I'm not attracted to anyone at the moment. Oh far from it, for the hormones rage and desire compels me once again to a girl woefully unsuited for me, but one who I can't quite let go. I've let too many go already, I say to myself. But then what is the harm in letting one more?

I've set some goals for next year. Time to go back to school. Time to forge new relationships. Time to get rid of old habits.

I'll be travelling again. I haven't in a long time. That's what happens when you settle down. Yet my youthful wanderlust seems to have faded (although I did suspect that would happen). My life in my quaint little city seems satisfactory. No need to rise beyond and travel to different lands.

And yet, I still have those dreams. Of being in a different place, of living a different life. I can't quite go there. I can't really live it. But oh, I can dream. And after that, I will write of it.

No comments: